The Place: Look past the uneven floor, corrugated iron ceiling, and menu chalkboards resting on grimy windows of the adjacent auto repair shop. Don’t expect cutlery or fawning waitresses. You’re here for the food. Lampshades hang above wire mesh tables that have seen better days, and the side of Yard accessing the street generally fills with cigarette smoke. Nevertheless Yard attracts families and all sorts. Chalkboards list menus and the rules of ordering with a reminder, in colourful language, to wait until you’re called. Chalk the amount of food and drinks alongside your name, in the appropriate column on the black door.
The Drinks: Write up your order, help yourself to soft drinks or booze in the fridge and, in the evening, hand over cash on the spot. A 600ml Triggerfish pilsner under the Dog’s Bollocks label (R50) is great with burgers or ribs. There is an unlabelled white or red wine blend (R80) too.
The Food: Megan Eloff runs the food side of Yard, and co-owns the business with Nigel Wood. He introduced The Dog’s Bollocks concept in late 2011, with 30 burgers made on a first-come-first-served basis from 5pm, until they run out. Eloff now heads this show, offering 50 burgers, buffalo chicken wings, nachos or ribs.
As of July the burgers include a side order of chips (R85). Of 10 options, newcomers include the Vietnamese bahn mi pulled pork, and pene picada tomato-based sauce with chorizo and roasted peppers, topped with an egg. The novel chicken-fillet Caesar burger looked good on the pass too, with bacon, lettuce and homemade anchovy mayo. There’s a vegan and Noakes option, the latter with lettuce replacing Woodstock Bakery’s glorious stoneground-flour buns.
On a busy Thursday night we escaped the smokers with a table beyond the pass. The Mexican chilli and cheeseburger came with a mince-and-kidney-bean chilli con carne topping, plus a cheese sauce. It was hearty, but heavy on cumin, and I’d like more heat. The 3B (bacon and cheese barbecue burger) was classic and good. A perky bun sandwiched a thick patty dripping in sweet tomato-barbeque sauce, with crispy bacon, cheese, lettuce and trimmings. Messily delicious, these were super-burgers stretching roughly 15cm across, with sides of nicely crispy handcut chips. A slab of excellent barbeque porkbelly ribs (R120) tasted oak-smoked and tender, in the same sticky sauce.
The Verdict? Yard feels a bit like you’re at someone’s student digs party, where the music is loud and you’re expected to help yourself to drinks in the fridge. But as my eating partner said above the din, ‘No digs party I went to ever had food this good.’
Need to know: Cash-only operation. A largely female team transforms quality ingredients and serves it with sass. You’ll need multiple wet wipes once you’ve eaten though. Visit Yard after 5pm for burgers, wings, nachos and ribs at The Dog’s Bollocks (Mon to Sat 5 – 10pm). Or build your own breakfast at Mucky Mary’s Hubcaps (Mon to Fri 7am, Sat 9am – 4pm). At lunchtime order sandwiches or soft tacos with creative fillings (the pulled pork banh mi taco is excellent) from The Bitch’s Tits (Mon to Sat 9am – 4pm).
THE DOG’S BOLLOCKS, Yard, 6 Roodehek Street, Gardens. Tel 082-885-5719.
This review appeared in The Times on 6 August 2014.